whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
