I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
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My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
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One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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