u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
