I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize