You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
