I think my fart just growled at me.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
