5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
