Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
