So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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