i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
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The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
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We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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