i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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