Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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