And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
