I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
