sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
