How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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