Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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