I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
