Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today