Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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