1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
