i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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