im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
