I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
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I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
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I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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