At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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