I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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