I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
