Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
