he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Did you just see the Batmobile???
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
