I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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