dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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