How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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