How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
