I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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