Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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