the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
