So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
