I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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