I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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