So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
