At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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