yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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