A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
