All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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