I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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