I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
