i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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