What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
