Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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