Soap is not a condiment
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize