Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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