But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
