Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
