i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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