he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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