i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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