the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
