the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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