I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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