Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
