The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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