I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
