every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize