if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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