so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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