My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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